on my heart

 I've been thinking about homeschooling our oldest ever since his first week of starting kindergarten. Something just didn't "feel" right. But I was intimidated. I purposefully did not go into teaching, started to, got overwhelmed thinking about being responsible for creating 'lesson plans' and changed majors.

Sometime during the fall shortly after he started school I heard about a hybrid program that was 2 days school (but like a charter type, not public curriculum) and then 3 days homeschooling where you finish up the check-off list of the week's schooling. I've talked at length to the administrator, interviewed 2 moms who go there, toured the school, prayed, and step by step we have come to the decision to apply. It feels really good, the coming to a decision after months of prayer, thought, and research. So I hope soon we will know the outcome. In the meantime, I have really been loving the school more and more where he is. It's never really been a problem with the school, except for it being expensive, it's always been about wanting more time with him and to foster an environment of trust, care, love, and learning. 

One of the moms that I talked to told me about a homeschooling mom she follows on Instagram and I have started following her too. I've already got so many good tips and things I just agree on. Toy recommendations, book recommendations, started the online piano academy her son went to. And the other day she posted these:

This is me. This is exactly where I'm at. Overwhelmed, but overwhelmed by wanting to do my very best by these three little hearts. Struggling with doing it, but wanting to spend more and more time with them; the good, the bad, the ugly (and very often, the poopy at this particular stage). 

I'm praying for the Lord to guide us. Either he gets into this new school and we begin a new chapter in our lives this fall taking a little different of a road- or he doesn't, and he continues at a great school, I'm trying to trust in Him and His plan. 

And me. Reminding myself that I'm in charge of my attitude, and my response. And it's so good to remember this LEANING IN, in all areas, as a daily offering to Him.