grief bears

 It has been a very busy month with all the funeral preparations, and our life that goes on. Doug was very busy, he pretty much planned his brother's whole funeral and has been in charge of closing most of his accounts. Doug's parents aren't online and he thought it would be too hard on them emotionally anyway. It has been a lot of work for him.

Brian had 3 children and we knew they would be coming from out of state for the funeral. When one of my close friend's husband died, she said someone had made them grief bears. Something tangible to hold and remember their dad. The bears are made from articles of the deceased's clothes. 

I did some googling and found these very cute ones on Etsy, and with the time crunch, I thought I could probably try to make my own. 

I used 6 of Brian's old shirts and was able to use the shirts' buttons for eyes, I just had to buy bear noses. My sewing machine doesn't do embroidery letters, so I cut out the hearts and then took them to an embroiderist. They did them really fast and did a good job.

The finished bear.

I feel like anytime I make anything with a face, it turns out a little wonky, but overall I liked it.

Each of the 3 kids got one and was able to get it at the funeral. 

I hope they can bring a little comfort. 

The funeral was hard, as one can imagine. His kids were crying a lot, it was really hard to see. 

Doug is ok, I feel like he feels guilty "going on with life". But what else can you do? 

Anytime there is unexpected death, it just seems like it hits so hard. One good thing, it turns out Brian had purchased a supplemental life insurance policy, we were surprised to learn, and Doug is going to be able to open 529 savings accounts for the kids. We pray those will grow and help the kids be able to enable themselves to have a secure future someday and break out of their poverty cycle.

I'm going to make a pillow for both Doug and his parents with another couple shirts. Doug's almost done with the accounts and he's writing thank yous to people who attended the funeral. That was another thing, the impact of people that do/don't come to the funeral, it turns out that can lead to surprising feelings as well. This has been an unwanted learning experience. But what else can you do but trust that God is still in control? I'm missing Brian more than I thought I might, and feeling sad for my hurting husband.

Rest in Peace Brian

We lost Doug's brother Brian on Monday. 

It's been a rough week. Doug has done a lot of the planning for his parents, visiting the funeral home, alerting his work and following up on insurance, canceling his phone and closing out accounts. Making photo memory boards. 

I can't believe this is the only picture I found from last year. I know we saw him more than that! 

He died of a pulmonary embolism and was at his parent's house at the time. Doug and I talked about how God's mercy is evident even at the time of our deaths. Brian is a cross-country trucker and was home with his parents on a respite between driving jobs. We hope that he saw his dad with him at the time of his death and knew he wasn't alone, and we ultimately hope and trust he is now with his true Father. It could've been much worse if he had died behind the wheel of his semi and maybe hurt someone else, or perhaps died in his cab and wasn't found until much later. 

But still. 

Doug talked to him on the weekend and had even gotten texts from him a couple hours before he passed. He had said he didn't feel great and had a fast heart rate, but he had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so he wasn't that worried about it. Who knows if the doctor would've diagnosed it, but he obviously never made it to the appointment. And I'm just feeling like the world's shittiest nurse as I didn't push more, I told Doug to get him to count his pulse or go to CVS for a BP check but he wouldn't. And maybe I should've thought blood clot since I know his occupation. So I'm feeling pretty bad. 

It's been a shock. And just so sad to think we're never gonna see him again. Never get those funny, sometimes inappropriate tiktoks again, never hear another wild story of him and his kiddos, never hear his laugh again. Lucy will never know him and I don't even have a picture of him with her. 

And Doug. 

Now he's an only child, and it's just so sad. He's really feeling it. 

Prayers appreciated.