huh

I was just talking to one of my co-workers that I really like, and she was asking me about Andrew, and then about how his parents have reacted to everything. His mom and I did go out to breakfast one time early into all of it. She shared with me some little things, some I knew, some I didn't know, I wondered later if maybe they played a bigger part into things.

She told me that his dad worked a lot when he was a kid, so much so that she described herself as almost a single mother. She told me about his desire to 'be a hero'. And she shared a story about one Christmas Eve there was an argument in their house and Andrew bolted out of the house, got on his bike and fled to a friend's house. It was hard, but I was glad we had that time to talk together.

My co-worker just said that was interesting and the same thing happened with us, "He held everything inside and then just ran away on his bike."

I had to laugh. But I feel sad about it. I often said to Andrew, "I don't know how to be married," but I thought we were figuring it out together. It makes me sad that we couldn't talk about what any real issues were.

My co-worker was telling me she felt bad because I didn't get any 'closure', but I'm not so sure. I think all these months of counseling and divorce classes have really taught me a lot, and helped me to accept and learn from something that I didn't really have any control over.

And I know my God is a God of redemption. He is still on His throne, and He still has amazing plans for my life, and for Andrew's.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. Psalm 40:1-5