Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Life lately

Watching:
So into this tiny house show. Could I do it? Probably not. But I like watching it.
Loved this movie, totally recommend.
Frivolous fun.
Reading:
A good read so far.
Eating:
This instant pot shawarma recipe. It was pretty spicy, but tasty!

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

week on my own

I survived my first week at home alone with 2 kids!!
Doug worked out a pretty neat schedule with his work for after baby. He was home the first week all the time, then the next week he worked from home 6-8am, again at nap, and an hour in the evenings, the third week he went in to work one day and did the work from home the other days, then the fourth week he worked 2 days and from home the other days - so it was a very slow transition. I think it was helpful, although maybe it would've also been better to be 'thrown into the fire' because I did have a lot of anxiety in those days before he went back to real work. But anyway, we have a week or so under our belt so I'm feeling more confident.
It also helped to have had a couple friend play dates with another mom friend who is on maternity leave and with Liz and her kids.
So I've made it out of the house to playdates, but nothing too hard like being somewhere at a specific time or to a grocery store or anything with two. I feel a lot more anxious about it, which I hate feeling like that, but it is what it is. Jeanie is a carseat-crier, she just doesn't like it. And August, is mostly well-behaved, but also 2. It also is logistically hard getting out of the house. Physically it's hard to get the car doors open in the garage to get the carseat in if the other car is parked, and I can't both carry Jeanie in her carseat and hold August's hand while going down the steps into the garage (while also carrying diaper bag, purse, and anything else I always seem to have). So we've started doing one kid at a time, which I also don't like. Anyway, I don't know how twin moms, or moms of more than 2 do it!??
I know it seems like I'm complaining a lot. It has been a big adjustment for me one to two. Missing sleep, sitting around in pjs all day until they finally both miraculously sleep at the same time for 1/2 hour so I can try to squeeze in an exercise video and/or shower. I feel guilty also just 'passing time' till naptime for a little free time. I'm hoping it will get easier.
She was laying like this with her arms up for a good 10 minutes
1 month already!!
play date girl-time
outside watching brother
he can't get enough of this car
Mother's day brunch :)
sweet baby
She's like "you sure you got me?!"
play date this morning at a play place.

Monday, May 13, 2019

monthly recap

What a month! Baby girl is one month today already, and it has been busy. Some of the big things:
First bath!
First Easter!
This little hat I got in Peru back in 2009, and just saved away for a little wanted baby someday.
I'm pretty sure this was his first ice-cream cone all to himself!
Big brother turned 2.5, so fast!!!
Her little onesie was the one we bought for the gender reveal for ourselves, when we found out she was a girl <3
Like big brother, she also has a heart murmur. Had to go to a cardiologist to get an EKG and 2D echo, thankfully all normal findings. Praise God!
I made this sunbonnet for my neighbor's little girl and she gave it back to me :)
Baby Jeanie meets her namesake, my college friend Jeannie.
August's room got a little updating, I bought and framed this super sweet Etsy print about treasuring your children. Makes me tear up. And we hung his banner of him from birth to 11 months.
I love his room, we are still planning on the kids sharing several months from now, but he still has his own for now.
My matching jammies photo shoot didn't turn out as I planned, and both kids are almost too big for them!
My cousin got married last weekend, a couple family shots:
4 generations! Spanning 1 month to 98 years old!
our family (minus my siblings)
Big brother playing in her swing.
Ok, got to go, kids needing attention :)

Monday, April 29, 2019

Mini living room update

One of my new year's goals was to have a little update to our living room in the form of a new rug and lamp. This was the previous rug, it had a deep pile which was soft, but difficult to vacuum and often crumbs of stuff were found deep in the depths. Ew.
We bought a rug off Wayfair that was 100% wool and had a really pretty pattern.
So apparently these are the only pictures I took of it! One with August playing on it, and one with me doing my exercise last month! Anyway, I loved that it was natural fibers, and I loved the pattern. What I did not love was within 30 minutes of rolling it out, September came and scratched it and instantly there were long loose threads in the pattern >:( and also since it was wool it constantly shed little cream hairs that got all over the floor and just made it look dirty and dust-bunnyish, and they'd cling to our blue couch. Eventually it had to go!
This time we just opted for a cheapie from Walmart.
It clashed with the couch pillows, so just swapped them out for the cream ones from the playroom futon couch:
And we're done. A couple months ago I searched high and low for new lamps (I like this blue one, but the shade has a rip in it). Probably 5 or 6 lamps were bought home and then returned in an effort to find one that looked good. No such luck. And no luck either with just a replacement shade. So we decided that this one will have to still have to do, and just face the rip towards the wall. Haha.

Friday, April 19, 2019

A Birth Story

What a difference a week makes!
Last Friday I was 3 days overdue and had an appointment to get an US to check out amniotic fluid levels, and get a non-stress test. So I had the US, everything seemed good (to me), even got another picture of her little profile. Then I went to the midwife part of the appointment and right away she said that there was a concern and I had something called Polyhydraminos, which meant too much amniotic fluid. Right away I asked her, "Should I be crying? Because I feel like crying." As I started to cry. She said that they actually see a case of it every week, earlier in pregnancy it can be bad as it can mean maybe baby isn't swallowing/excreting the fluid and something is wrong with baby's GI system, but they didn't see anything wrong on her earlier anatomy scan, so she didn't know really much more. So we got Doug on the phone and talked it over and she said that I would have to be induced that day. The fear was if my water broke at home the cord could come out in the extra fluid and then it could become a medical emergency, so I needed to be monitored more closely.
So I cried all the way home and we called Doug's parents to come watch August. I had wanted my parents to have him (Doug's had never done an overnight with him before), but my uncle passed a few days prior and my parents were headed to Iowa to be with my mom's sister, which of course I felt she should be there. We threw stuff in the car, and I snuck into August's room while he was napping to say goodbye to my first baby.
One last unflattering, swollen pregnancy photo, and we were off!
One nice thing about being induced is no mad dash to the hospital, no suffering with cramps and bumps on the way, and knowing that soon you will see your baby.
So we get there at 5pm and met with the oncoming shift midwife to discuss the plan. At the appointment they had checked that I was 1.5 - 2 cms dilated, but only 30% effaced (how soft the cervix is). The midwife thought the best route was to take a drug called Mistoprostol that softens the cervix. She thought that as it worked, since I had a baby before, my body would be like "oh I know what do to here" and kick into labor. The other option would be to jump right to Pitocin, which focuses more on dilation. But if your cervix is "unfavorable" aka not soft, we'd have to stop it and do the pill anyway. This was a tough choice for us as we'd read about that Miso drug causing uterine rupture, hemorrhage, death. And even the maker of the drug said they invented it for stomach ulcers, not inducing labor. But ultimately, after talking a lot with the midwife and nurse, we decided to try it and hope my body would take over. That plan is a pill every 4 hours and an hour of monitoring afterwards to make sure baby is "tolerating" the drug. So first pill down at 6pm.
For a while all I felt was just the tightening that still just felt like Braxton-Hicks and maybe very mild cramping. So Doug and I watched HGTV, chatted, ate dinner, walked the halls, ate several cups of hospital ice, and just hung out.
The next dose was at 10pm. At the second dose you are supposed to double it to 50mcg, but because we were so concerned with taking that drug at all, she let us have another check first. So I think there I was 4cm and 50% effaced, so she let us do another 25mcg as the first dose was slowly working. Another hour of monitoring and then around 11:30pm they took off the monitor and Doug and I decided to try to get some sleep until the 2am dose. I still wasn't really feeling anything at all.
About 15 minutes later I heard and felt a "pop" and I wiggled around a bit to see if that was my water breaking, and sure enough, fluid was coming out. So called the nurse who came and tested it with a little strip and said from that point no more drugs, just would watch and wait as if I came into the hospital in active labor.
So they went out and I thought I would try to go back to sleep. Now it was 11:45pm. Anyway, those mild cramps soon became bigger and it was obvious I was done sleeping. For the next hour I bounced and rocked on this big labor ball and kind of moaned, but towards the end I was yelling and finally told Doug I couldn't take it anymore and wanted drugs. At around 1am I pushed the nurse button that I wanted drugs. She came in and checked me and said I was at a 10 and 100% effaced. It was go time.
The next thing I knew the room was filling with people, although I couldn't see anyone as this time I was trying to push in hands and knees position kind of arms draped over the head of the bed vs laying on my back like last time. The books say you're letting gravity help baby descend.
Anyway, lets cut to the chase. It hurt bad. Everyone said natural labor hurts less than labor on Pitocin (which I had with August, and was no picnic believe me, but this seemed worse). And pushing. OW. It just felt like a huge ball was trying to come out and it stung and burn and hurt like heck. Worse than August.
So finally I get the head out and then the nurse was pushing on my legs and telling me to roll over right away, and I couldn't move, so people just flipped me. And there was a hand pushing on my stomach super hard and someone reaching inside and pulling. I looked at my nurse's face and she just had this desperate look on her face and I remember yelling "What is happening?!?" and looked to Doug who told me everything was fine. BS. But finally all that pressure was gone and baby was plopped on my chest while someone cut the cord and then she was quickly whisked off to the warmer. At that point I think someone finally told me her shoulder had gotten stuck so they were pressing on my abdomen to push her down and the midwife was reaching inside to pull her out by her hand. Thankfully, everything was indeed fine. (Sometimes baby gets a broken clavicle when that happens), and I remembered seeing her body and she was pink when she came out, not blue, so I wasn't too worried about her being without oxygen. We could all hear her crying loudly so that was such a relief.
Unfortunately I ripped again, the midwife had to call in the doctor to do a repair and once again I could hear a discussion about what piece came from where and how it was "like a starburst" ouch. But they stitched me up and soon I got to hold my girl. I think I was in shock for a while that just 2 hours after my water broke, she was here!
(this is what real labor looks like, being a sweaty mess and wearing glasses because you took your contacts out earlier thinking you were going to sleep)
I had planned on my friend Liz coming to be a labor support during this birth, but I was thinking nothing was really happening and that more would happen starting at 6am the next day. Later I see these texts, Doug had sent her a couple one-liners after I sent the ones about nothing happening, and now they make me laugh:
Anyway, too quick for a support buddy, but Doug did awesome.
So they cleaned me up and wheeled us to our room in mother/baby where we tried to settle in for the night and finally sleep.
Visitors the next day, including my favorite visitor, big brother!:
We had to stay for a full 48 hours since I was a GBS carrier (1 in 4 women are) and the labor happened too quick to get the required 2 doses of pre-antibiotics, so we had to make sure baby was monitored and didn't become infected. We had several visitors and I mostly lazed around. This time I made sure to have ice down there for a full 48 hours as I think it really hindered my healing last time not having that.
The next day, I don't think any visitors, and Doug even went home a couple hours to relieve his parents and put August to sleep himself before coming back to stay with me. This night was rough as I was pretty much a "human pacifier" and nursed from like 6 to 11am and then again from 6pm to 1am. It was crazy. The second you'd take her off she'd start crying, but she wasn't really nursing. Finally the nurse took her for an hour so we could sleep and she did her heart and hearing and jaundice tests (all passed!). I saw the lactation consultants a couple times and we worked on the latch and trying to help her nurse more effectively.
And finally we could go home!
We praise God for our sweet little Jeanie Marie.
This week at home she already saw her pediatrician, and the chiropractor (our doctor wanted her seen as soon as possible due to the shoulder dystocia issue and that possibly affecting her nursing) and lots of resting and nursing and being held. Big brother has been pretty good for the most part. Asking where baby sister is and what she's doing, knowing she cries because she has no words, and he's enjoying all the extra time and attention from daddy since he's been home all week.
Snuggles during skin-to-skin time with baby
Two little sweet faces in my rearview mirror, my heart is full.
We are so blessed.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Due date!

Well it's April 9th, and so far no baby. Not too surprised as August was 2 weeks late. But you never know. Actually I felt pretty bad yesterday. Just 'different' and crampy and I was sure it was labor. But guess not! So just going about my day and wondering what will happen. But pretty close to ready. Pulled up my "to do" list one more time to see what's left:
To Do Before Baby List:
- The storage issue - we bought a couple bins and they are under the crib, and there will be more room in the closet once August's thick winter stuff is back in storage.
- Buy newborn diapers. - 2 packs :)
- Finish knitting her bunny hat
Done!
- Pack the hospital bag - done! Except last minute throw in contacts, hairbrush, glasses, retainer.
Doug still has to put the base in my car and then install a little mirror so I can see her when driving, but those are small and quick tasks. Mostly I've been busy cleaning the house and trying to stay on top of stuff so I can come home to a clean, orderly house. I made myself a batch of Lactation Cookies and am trying not to start eating them already, so tasty!
Pregnancy wise, here's what's going on:
Pounds gained: 31. And I'm 1.5 inches wider than I was with August.
Cravings: Same, fruit, icecream, hospital ice.
Sleep: Night sweats, anyone else had these?! I'm having to change and wash my sheets and pjs all the time because of this. Yuck.
Exercise: Still doing good. Strength training, walking, prenatal barre or yoga.
Mostly just some anxiety about what/when things will happen. I'm still working, and mostly that's ok. But I am so worried about working 12 hours and then going into labor and just being awake and exhausted for so long. But when I'm at work, I'm still doing ok. It is what it is, I can't start my time off otherwise the clock is ticking against me and then I'd have to go to work sooner after baby gets here. That's the sucky part about working for a hospital I guess. Don't ever dare get sick yourself and don't expect any special treatment like maternity leave!
Anyway, trying to enjoy these last days as a family of 3. Took a little walk last night, talking to neighbors and enjoying the spring air. Although I was feeling pretty crappy so it was a very short walk. But anyway, trying to enjoy it!
My friend found out yesterday she lost her baby, so that has constantly been on my mind and just feeling so sorry for, and weeping with her. And even in the midst of that loss she is meditating on Psalm 148, and the reminder that God is good and still in charge despite life's trials, and things we desperately wish wouldn't happen.
Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights above. Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his heavenly hosts. Praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars. Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for at his command they were created, and he established them for ever and ever— he issued a decree that will never pass away. Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds, kings of the earth and all nations, you princes and all rulers on earth, young men and women, old men and children. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens. And he has raised up for his people a horn, the praise of all his faithful servants, of Israel, the people close to his heart. Praise the Lord.