Friday, November 16, 2012

Divorce Class

Last weekend I went to my parent's church and after the service one of the ladies came up to me and said "I thought you were going to tough it out with the rest of us." It took me a few seconds to realize she was talking about my marriage. I was really caught off guard and just stammered something like, "I wanted to."
I talked about this comment later in the week with my counselor. In some ways it doesn't matter that people don't know exactly what happened, it's over, it's done, it's not their business anyway. But it does bother me that it was assumed I didn't want to 'tough it out', or whatever, I did, I tried to. I told my counselor I felt like I had to defend myself and I didn't want to throw Andrew under the bus, and he told me, "Andrew is under the bus. But he crawled under there himself." Ouch.
So I'm still doing this divorce class program and we watch a video series and talk about it. Last night's session was "What Does the Owner's Manual Say?". The idea is that since marriage is God's design, we should follow His instructions. My group recommends you go through their program twice, since the first time you are in such a fog, and last night was my second time on that topic. I'm glad I heard this topic again. I think God has been healing me and comforting me that I truly did try, and again, not that I am perfect by any means, but in the end, if someone chooses to leave you - you can't stop them. That's really been sinking in, I am only responsible for my choices. So I felt a lot of peace and even some hope for the future.
I also have been hearing this song quite often and I love it. Remind Me Who I Am - Jason Gray.
When I lose my way, and I forget my name, remind me who I am. In the mirror all I see, is who I don't wanna be, remind me who I am
In the loneliest places, when I cant remember what grace is
Tell me, once again, who I am to You, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to You, that I belong to You. To You
When my heart is like a stone, and I'm running far from home, remind me who I am. When I can't receive Your love, afraid I'll never be enough, remind me who I am
If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it
Tell me, once again, who I am to you, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to you, that I belong to You. To You
I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love. That will be enough, I'm the one You love
Tell me, once again, who I am to you, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to you, that I belong to You. To You
God loves me so much.


  1. I really love your divorce class. Okay, that sounds weird. I guess what I mean to say, is I love the support and wisdom you share from your class.

    I LOVE that song. God loves you SO much

  2. Too bad they had to word it that way. You're right, it's none of anyone's business and you don't need to defend yourself to anyone. I have to hope that they were more just trying to find a way to bring it up to maybe talk about it, but probably coulda tried a different line. I think you handled it well.

    I know you know that God is the only one we need to defend our choices to, and when we spoke you felt good that you had done all you could. So let it rest at that. I know though it is hard not to care at all what others may think.

  3. He does love you! So many other people do too. :) :)
    Also, what a RUDE, obnoxious woman. Some people truly have the nerve.

  4. I stumbled across your blog today & it has touched me. I cannot say I know exactly what you've been going through or have now gone through, but I can relate. My husband moved out of our house at the beginning of the summer to his parents and at the end of the summer I decided to quit my job and move back to my parents to have support from my parents and church. Since I've moved out a lot of my family has been hard on me - telling me to move on because i deserve better and asking me how long i'm really going to put up with this.

    Moving out was the best decision I ever made. I have finally gained a relationship with God that I could have never imaged to be so beautiful. I got involved in church, rather than just being a pew warmer and began praying for my husband and our marriage. Once I stepped back away from my husband, quit the nagging phone calls and text messages - he came back to me. Now, we are "dating" again, which doesn't aways seem promising and often has it's disappointments. But I know my God is still on His throne. I've also learned that this is about ME, not my husband. & I ask myself What is God trying to do in my life, with me?
    Through everything you have endured you are a testimony to how you believe in marriage and you trust God. Through your words on this blog, you have honored God even in your toughest moments. (Romans 8:17 And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!)

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so happy to hear that God has brought your husband back and you guys are working on your marriage again. Wow, what a great example of how powerful God is. I love your attitude of trusting God and seeing what He is doing in you. That's what I've been trying to do too, and asking God to use this brokenness to teach me and bring me closer to Him. And He has been faithful!

  5. Dearest Anne,
    I spoke too quickly anonymously above - on being hopeful that my marriage was working. Unlike your husband who stayed faithful to you, mine did not. And I wanted so desperately to believe that he was being faithful, but there was a gut feeling that he was lying and cheating. And in the end, he was lying and cheating.
    I am going to continue to read your posts because like you, I know that God has a purpose in my life and a purpose for why this has happened to me. I know my God has plans to prosper, to give me hope and a future, so I will faithful worship Him. And through all of my trials in my marriage and now the proceedings of divorce God is bringing me closer to Him and using me as an example to my church, friends and family.
    I may start a blog as well. And i'm also going to look into this divorce class you speak of often. I the meantime, this song is amazing and lifts me up - I think you'd like it as well. "I Need You Now" (How many times) by Plumb

    1. I'm so sorry to hear that. I honestly don't know if Andrew was faithful to me or not (after he said he wanted the divorce anyway, I believe he was before), for me, the bottom line was that he was choosing to walk away from our marriage so it almost didn't matter what else he did with that same end result. But I am so sorry that you have been so hurt that way.
      I have really enjoyed writing this blog, even if no one read it, I feel like it's been really helpful for me to think out my feelings. I would encourage it!
      I'm thankful to hear that you will keep clinging to Jesus. Seriously He is the reason I can get out of bed, He is healing me, and He will heal you too.
      Thanks for the song, I love that one!
      Please feel free to email me if you want to talk more or exchange phone numbers.
      Until then, one of the nicest things I liked hearing was: "hang in there", so I say that to you too. Hang in there, it will get better.