Friday, November 16, 2012
Last weekend I went to my parent's church and after the service one of the ladies came up to me and said "I thought you were going to tough it out with the rest of us." It took me a few seconds to realize she was talking about my marriage. I was really caught off guard and just stammered something like, "I wanted to." I talked about this comment later in the week with my counselor. In some ways it doesn't matter that people don't know exactly what happened, it's over, it's done, it's not their business anyway. But it does bother me that it was assumed I didn't want to 'tough it out', or whatever, I did, I tried to. I told my counselor I felt like I had to defend myself and I didn't want to throw Andrew under the bus, and he told me, "Andrew is under the bus. But he crawled under there himself." Ouch. So I'm still doing this divorce class program and we watch a video series and talk about it. Last night's session was "What Does the Owner's Manual Say?". The idea is that since marriage is God's design, we should follow His instructions. My group recommends you go through their program twice, since the first time you are in such a fog, and last night was my second time on that topic. I'm glad I heard this topic again. I think God has been healing me and comforting me that I truly did try, and again, not that I am perfect by any means, but in the end, if someone chooses to leave you - you can't stop them. That's really been sinking in, I am only responsible for my choices. So I felt a lot of peace and even some hope for the future. I also have been hearing this song quite often and I love it. Remind Me Who I Am - Jason Gray. When I lose my way, and I forget my name, remind me who I am. In the mirror all I see, is who I don't wanna be, remind me who I am In the loneliest places, when I cant remember what grace is Tell me, once again, who I am to You, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to You, that I belong to You. To You When my heart is like a stone, and I'm running far from home, remind me who I am. When I can't receive Your love, afraid I'll never be enough, remind me who I am If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it Tell me, once again, who I am to you, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to you, that I belong to You. To You I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love. That will be enough, I'm the one You love Tell me, once again, who I am to you, who I am to You. Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to you, that I belong to You. To You God loves me so much.