last friday night

There weren't 'too many shots', but there were good times with friends. (and there was a new delicious wine I liked, I'm pretty picky, but muscato --- yum!)

Last week Jill and I had a dinner/game night. I have all kinds of different friends groups: college, the first church I went to, the church I go to now, and then a few randoms. We invited a mix that we thought wouldn't be too many for the tiny condo and had them come over last friday. I made tacos and got to use my new platter thing for all the toppings

We made taco meat, and chicken for fajitas and black beans. I also made an apple crisp for dessert and these amazing chocolate chip cookie bars, with icecream of course.

Someday I hope I have a really nice big kitchen and hang out area so I can invite as many people as I want. We'll see, maybe when I'm making the big nurse bucks...

You can't tell from these pictures, but we really did have a great time playing Catchphrase:

This week has been busy with school. I'm feeling like all I do is study and I still am never caught up. I am looking forward to a lazy weekend (but still with studying, always studying) and a Tiger's party.

Yesterday marked 3 months divorced. Still not quite done with the name change business. They make it so hard, and I've had to do a couple things twice which is irritating. Makes me really think twice on if I would take another last name again. Well, that'd be IF I get married again, and if new husband would want me to take his name. Who knows.

Mostly I have been feeling a lot better, which I can say is ONLY because of the work Jesus has been doing in my heart. But even still there are some days of sadness just as bad as the beginning. This week has actually been a rough one. I heard something that I felt like was a complete opposite answer to prayers I've been praying for months. A teary phone call to my mom helped. She always reminds me that God IS working, we just don't know how. And she reminded me, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

My divorce class has been on 'depression', I got this email: Guilt, worthlessness, and helplessness may be an integral part of your daily life now. The emotions themselves are not wrong, but the questions you need to ask yourself are Where will I let these emotions lead me? Will I let these feelings bring me down, or will I choose to keep my eyes on Jesus no matter what? Jesus loves you regardless of what you have done, what you look like on the outside, or what you look like on the inside. You can never do anything that will cause Him to love you less. That is amazing. That is God.

So true.

They talked about depression not being bad, or a 'sin', but a natural response to loss. And one that drives you back into Jesus' arms.

"I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss" (Lamentations 3:20 NLT).

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us... (2 Corinthians 1:8b-10)

And shared this bible story: In the Bible, the prophet Elijah felt so depressed at one point that he wanted to end his life. "Elijah came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough, LORD,' he said. 'Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.' Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep" (1 Kings 19:4-5). But God had other plans for Elijah. God first cared for Elijah's physical needs and then directed Elijah along a new path for his life.

I kinda feel the same way. God is directing me along a new path for my life. And I keep reminding myself that even though this isn't what I wanted for my life, it happened. God can still use it, and can still use me.