Friday, June 1, 2012
Last night I went to my divorce class. I've been going about a month and a half now. It's kind of hard to be there sometimes. Some of the women are really excited about their divorces, and it's hard to relate to. But learning more, many of these women have been cheated on, or even beat up - it makes a little more sense. I'm relieved I don't have either of those 'reasons', but I can't help wishing there was some reason other than "he just doesn't love me anymore." My counselor keeps telling me, "the reason is Andrew." Sadly, that might be the only explanation I'll ever get. Anyway last night's class was good. A few things that stuck out to me were one of the speaker guys saying, "your purpose in life is not to be someone's wife- that was just something that happened to you along the road. Your purpose is to find intimacy with God." It's hard when I feel like I have been created to be a wife, to be a mother, but to see that that's not really what I was created for. I still hope those things will be on my road further down the path, but God has purposed me for more. The speaker also reminded us, "don't let your husband take your purpose out the door with him." That really hit home. Yes Andrew left me, yes I wish it wasn't true, but God still has plans and dreams for my life. Those dreams of Andrew and I are dying, but my purpose isn't dead. I also really liked it when one of the speakers said, "you aren't valuable because someone married you - you are valuable because Jesus values you and died so you could live." I think this whole thing has been really hard on me as a woman. I really did love being Andrew's wife. I was so quick to embrace and take pride in that role, and then to have it ripped away. Words aren't enough. I need to remember that, married or not married, my role is God's precious child, and that He loves me and will never abandon me. Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Joshua 1:3-5 "I promise you what I promised Moses: "Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you."