Friday, June 8, 2012
This weekend I'm going up North for my cousin's ordination. There will be a lot of my family there that probably haven't heard about me and Andrew yet. I'm nervous. I know my family loves me, and most people have been super supportive. But part of me feels 'ashamed'. And maybe that's the wrong word- I know that I probably failed Andrew in certain ways to be the wife he needed, but I have to remember he was the one who chose to quit. I don't know. I can't help but feel I'm tarnishing our family reputation. Out of 8 of the aunt/uncle marriages there was only 1 divorce, and out of 11 of the cousin's marriages so far, I will be the only one. Not that I want anyone else to be divorced! I just can't help feeling like the black sheep. Andrew's family was different. In their family divorce was a dime a dozen. I don't think that was better though, that kind of environment seems to only foster an idea that marriage is something 'just to try out'. And I don't think he received any real encouragement to work it out. I don't know. I remember Andrew telling me he thought marriage could and should last a lifetime. Guess not. I'll be praying this verse for strength this weekend: "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand." Psalm 73:23.