Lessons to Learn

Well I received my first proposal already. My boss said I owe him for telling one of the attorneys in our building to lay off. Apparently he asked him to 'put in a good word' and he said he'd marry me and take care of me. Umm... kind of creepy. I'm still married dude!

Yesterday another attorney came to talk to me and share his sympathy. I appreciated that. He had been divorced and told me that of course I'll be bitter and angry, etc. I did appreciate the honesty and sharing of how it was for him. But part of me thought 'don't put your past on me', I am allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel - but I won't let those feelings control me. In my divorce class I heard a phrase I loved, 'time doesn't heal everything - Jesus heals everything'. And I am asking Jesus to completely heal my heart and free me from fear, sadness, anger and bitterness. So yeah, I might make a stop along the path, but, by God's grace, I won't stay there!

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

I want healing. I never want to be in this place again.

This weekend I'm going up North to a friend's wedding. I am really happy for her. She's been through some trials and it has been amazing to see how God has provided for her, and brought her joy through sorrow. I'm hopeful to see what God will do in my life as well. So I hope it will be good. The last wedding I went to was right after Andrew said he wanted a divorce and I cried the entire time, and one of the events of this weekend will be going to Mackinac Island and the last time I was there Andrew and I blissfully rode around on our bicycle built for two. So it might be hard at times, but I will pack my kleenex and do my best to celebrate in the joyful new beginning for my friend. I really am happy for her.

My counselor says everytime I do something without Andrew I am making a step towards healing. Every family event I go to alone, every holiday spent without him, every time with friends, I am showing myself I can get through this. And so far he's been right.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6