It's a gray day outside.
August is done with his binky, which also has resulted in the end of naptime (and the start of more difficult bedtimes). So gone is my 1-3 hours of glorious alone time in the middle of the day, time that was often used for laundry, food prep, cleaning- but also time to exercise, do my Bible study, read, or even nap. I am making August do a "quiet time" in his room, where he can sleep, or play, and I see him in the monitor rocking in his chair and "reading" so that is awesome, it just is only like 45 mins to an hour tops. But I'll take it!
Even with less quiet alone time for myself I have been "in my head" a lot recently. Questioning my friendships, my career, my mothering, my purpose. A lot of it has stemmed from reading
this book:
Which we received as a wedding gift and am now finally getting around to reading 5 years later!
But it is really good. I'm not finished, but it talks a lot about how marriage is great- and can be God glorifying. But it is not "your purpose" and the end all. Just like being a mom, doctor/lawyer/actress/etc, successful/famous, or any of those other good things are not the end goal. That our purpose is to make disciples. I have been really challenged by that. I do feel like I'm living a very me and family centered life and he talks of how your whole life and every day should be focused around the goal of making disciples. It is very convicting. I have been on a few mission trips, but nothing even in the last 7 years. And I think the last time I shared the gospel was almost 18 years ago (gasp!!) when I was at a student leadership training camp, and even then, my partner did most of the talking! It was really sad to realize that. I hope the way I live my life has been a witness along the way, but it definitely has a loooong way to go.
Anyway, it's led to a lot of thinking. I don't really feel happy at my job. I feel almost 'trapped' there though because I love that it enables me to work just 2 long days, get a decent wage and health insurance for me and the kids, and I only need two days of babysitting for the kids where we are lucky enough to have our parents alternating and Doug doing a day (or 2 if it's the weekend). Any other job I'd be away more days, need more babysitting, and probably make less $. It's just been so busy lately. I feel like I do most of my day in front of a computer charting and less time for the actual patients, and the patients come and go so fast. My last shift I had 9 people over 12 hours and on all those people are: assessments, 3 notes each, medications at all times of the day, various other monitoring: vitals/pain/urinary output/ drain output/ monitoring surgical sites, and other regular shift and hospital admission charting, it's just too much. A lot of days I pray nothing goes wrong because I'm just so worried I'll be busy with someone else I won't even realize someone else is falling through the cracks. It scares me. I am trying to do look on the brightside, with this particular job at least. Like I said, it affords me the ability to be home 5 out of 7 days with my kiddos, which is great, and $ and health ins which are practicalities we need.
So today I went to Etsy and ordered a new badge for my name tag that says "Can I pray for you?" I'm nervous but excited about it. I feel like it's a non-pushy way to be able to offer some of the hope I've found in Jesus in a place where people often are hurting, scared, in pain, and hopeless. And if they don't want prayer they don't even have to even acknowledge my badge. Win/win? I'm hoping that looking at my job more as a part of my mission field might just be the change to make me happy there.
Otherwise life is good. December is always busy. Something on every weekend already and several days of the week. It's busy, but I love seeing all the family and friends. And I love Christmas and giving gifts. I may not be a good gift receiver, but I do like to give and have several little fun presents this year that I'm excited to see people open :)
Our book club also read a good book, much in the style of the Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Society, and I read it in 2 long evenings on the couch. It's funny how I can read some books so quickly and others take months, but I guess that makes sense if there is "meat" to the book and I'm busy highlighting and trying to reflect. Anyway.
A tad predictable, and made me realize I know nothing about WWI. But a good book. Also makes me want to go to Paris :)
Elves at the annual Elf party (Jeanie's face, lol!)
Doug and I went on a date to see Mannheim Steamroller, it was awesome I loved it. Bought a new dress. Fun date night. We almost never go on dates and this month we had 3!
Christmas:
Got Doug some kangaroo runner shoes for Christmas, I hope he has fun and doesn't break anything!
That evening we had my parents and sister and brother-in-law over for dinner and games after the kids went down.
Thanks for making my new hat Aunt Elizabeth!
We played this new game Quelf, it was crazy and pretty fun.
The next day made a gingerbread house with August, aka spent the entire time trying to keep him from eating all the toppings.
And in the evening we had dinner at Doug's parents with his brother. It was a very nice Christmas!
