Monday, November 25, 2013
hahahahaha, this makes me laugh, oh Sheldon So I went on a date on saturday. It was actually much closer to the top of that picture than the bottom. Some pictures from my night: There was dinner, dessert, ice-skating, cards, flowers, he drove me somewhere and lit off fireworks, a walk, and to top it all off, he even let me practice starting an IV on him! I failed :( He had said earlier he'd let me practice on him, but as I was about to poke him I was feeling like some weirdo, and was asking if he was sure, and he just said 'well I really like you, so go ahead', haha. Ok! But then I felt really bad for not getting it. Maybe on date #2?? He told me some funny things like how he'd spent a good part of the day driving around to everywhere we were going to go ahead of time to map it out. And practiced his cursive for my cards. He had told a lot of his friends about the date and they kept texting him to ask how it was going. I saw one text that he sent to his friend: 'Anne looks really good' :) When we were driving out to the place for the firework he asked me if I was cold, and then before I could even reply a blanket was being laid on my lap. This guy is actually someone I sort of knew 12 years ago in InterVarsity at school. A few weeks ago I randomly saw him at a friend's party and we chatted a small bit. I wondered if I would see him on facebook, and then sure enough, the next day I got a message and we've been talking ever since. I feel alternately scared and excited about it. We'll see. So then yesterday as I'm midway to church my car wouldn't go into any gear at all and I was in the middle of traffic with cars lining up and beeping behind me. And I found myself calling him to see if he could come get me. And I was instantly mad at myself. I didn't just spend the last 2 years becoming self-sufficient and independent to become some damsel-in-distress overnight. I jammed it into gear, U'ed in the middle of the road, and made it back. And today I'm being a big girl, called my own tow truck, found a place to get it fixed, and taking care of it. I took the day off clinical to get this car stuff figured out, and I think it's really good to have some time to process and get how I feel figured out too. Maybe that dichotomic picture is perfect for how I feel at this second; but I'm feeling gradually more ready to put down the spray can. One thing that I really really hated about being divorced was how I just felt so embarrassed about it. I hated that everyone knew I was a Christian, and getting a divorce, I felt like such a bad witness. The people who know me, know it wasn't my choice. But it was still embarrassing having to tell my co-workers and others. And even in that, God was SO SO good to me, and really only a few people said things that hurt my feelings (and I think that was unintentional, altho it did hurt). Mostly people just loved me and prayed for me and walked thru it with me. But that is one fear I have now for sure. I'm afraid to get excited, and to potentially 'fail' again. I was talking it over with Liz the other day and that helped a ton. Just realizing that a lot of it is probably in my own mind. She said for her she would look at me, and be happy that I was happy and moving on. And if it didn't work out, she would be sad if I was sad. That was really nice, and I think it'd be true for the other people who care about me as well. God has been so good to me, He truly has provided everything I need, He has taught me so much and brought me through something I could not see any way out of. So I think I can keep trusting Him.