One of the things they talk about in my divorce class is how your energy is not equally balanced over the things in your life anymore. They say up to 85% of a person's energy is consumed in the emotional area, leaving only 5% mental, 5% spiritual, and 5% physical. I have really felt that over the past several months, hence barely exercising, the piles of stuff in my apt, dinners of scrambled eggs, and just feeling an inability to make decisions and feeling easily overwhelmed. I feel that I've been trying to be careful, but last night was one of those moments and I found myself locked out of my apt.
I'd like to think it was because I was borrowing mom's car so I had her keys and didn't grab mine, but anyway. I got home last night around 11 and found myself sitting on the stoop trying to decide what to do. It didn't end up too bad- I went and stayed at a friend's and then in the morning the apartment complex lady let me in when she came into the leasing office.
She knows I'm moving out and why and said she was really sorry to hear about the divorce. She said she had said to her husband, 'oh no, the cutest couple in the world' were getting divorced. It's funny to me how people even outside our lives could see that. The guy at the bank who had opened our accounts, the other day when I went to close them said, 'you guys seemed so good together'. Yeah, I thought so too.
One of the guys on the divorce care program said when you are feeling guilty about the lack of spiritual and physical energy: "You need to be really aware that these things are normal and they are to be expected. You will recover and things will be fine. It's a matter of just going through the process and allowing God to help stabilize you. Put yourself back on the right track and allow God to really walk through this process with you. The other thing to know is that this is not a quick fix. The painful reality is that you have two choices as you walk through this process. You can either have extreme pain by doing it the right way or excruciating pain by doing it the wrong way. There's no pain-free way out."
He's right. It has been terribly painful. So I am asking God to walk through this with me, and heal me. I want to do it the 'right way'.
When I came back to the office last week after the divorce these were waiting for me:
I had to laugh because when I went to read the card it was something like, "We have built up an excellent reputation"... and I was like, huh? why so formal? But then I realized I was reading the flower shop wording. Haha, his card said something about doors closing and opening and wishing me a brighter future. It was thoughtful.
So yeah, I really am thankful for how God has brought me through this and has surrounded me with such great, supportive people.
"Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:4-5