This week/weekend was a really good one. I only worked through Tuesday and had a really nice 4th of July with my parents in the afternoon and at a friend's for grilling and games in the evening. The next day mom, dad and I piled in the car and headed out towards Minnesota for my cousin Daniel's wedding. The first night we stayed in Wisconsin with my aunt, and early the next morning we continued on to Minnesota. I have wanted to attend as many cousin's weddings as possible. I have 44 first cousins, so that's a lot of weddings! One of the bonuses of going to this wedding was that my brother and his wife were coming up from CO to go to it too. I hadn't seen them in a whole year!! :(
The wedding was really nice. It was small, simple and elegant.
In a few weeks I will be returning to my maiden name. I debated about it, because I don't really feel like 'her' anymore, but it was made known to me that I'm not welcome to this last name anymore, so I'll change it back. The funny thing is that 2 of my cousins married Anne Maries - so now there will be 3 of us! Life is strange.
The wedding was good. And I was glad I was there to celebrate in my cousin's happiness.
It did make me feel sad that if God were to bless me again with a husband that I couldn't have the same ceremony. I liked my reception, but there are a lot of things I'd do differently there; but I loved our ceremony. I loved the church, the music we chose, the pastors message, our verses and vows. We spent a lot of time talking about what things meant to us and for our marriage- and in the end for it to end like this...? I feel bad that all those things were essentially 'wasted' on someone who really wasn't committed to me, and to what marriage is. I don't know if that's a good way to put it, but I feel sorrow and loss for it. Sorrow and loss for my husband Andrew and sorrow and loss over what God really intends marriage to be. One flesh bound together - not someone ripping themselves away.
Again. I don't know what God has for me in the future. I can still only choose to trust Him and choose to follow after Him one day at a time. And to trust that God can take this sin and brokenness and bring healing and new life. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 I can rest in that, and rest knowing that God says "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:3-4.