2 weeks

2 more weeks. This is a crazy feeling countdown. It's not a fun one like up to a birthday or Christmas... but it's coming. I'm glad I'm not getting divorced today as was the original date - but I think I'll be ready in 2 weeks.

Last night I had a counseling session. I felt pretty good when I went in, but the tears crept in! I still obviously miss Andrew and I often still ask myself 'how did we get here?'

My counselor said something to me, and he told me that he was going to be careful because he knows I don't like it when he is harsh towards Andrew- but he told me that 'maybe God is saving me from a disappointing marriage.' Wow, I don't know about that. I know it wasn't all wonderful - a lot of marriage was just 'everyday life', but when I look back at our marriage I see friendship, my partner, I see laughs, adventures, and love. I wasn't disappointed at all.

He also told me this is a chance for a new start. And that I am growing, and will be wiser and stronger because of this. And yes, I still think I would rather be with Andrew than be 'strong'; but that's not an option anymore, so I guess I'd rather learn something than not have learned!

I have felt God opening doors, and providing, and laying out my new path before me. So even though God is allowing Andrew to make this choice to walk away - He is beside me.

I heard this song last night: Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us

There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here, You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts, even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You 'cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You've got me
Right inside the palm of your hand

Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way You plan

You are here, You're real
I know I can trust You

And I will run to You
I'll find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

Even when it hurts, even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You 'cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars

You steady my heart
You steady my heart

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You've got me
Right inside the palm of Your hand

I'm thankful that Jesus loves me so much and I am safe right in His hands.