Well our divorce date got extended 2 weeks by the Court for some reason. So the new date is the 25th. I'm just hoping they don't extend it any more. The next week would be my birthday, and if they extended it one more then I would have to see our anniversary come and go like this.
So yeah. As much as I didn't want this divorce. I am ready.
This is not a marriage.
I have been emotionally alone since New Years. And physically alone for 2 months now.
My counselor says this is the strangest divorce he's ever seen. Where Andrew sat there and told him there was nothing wrong with me, "Anne's great", just our marriage apparently wasn't. To him anyway. To me it's still just such a mystery. I don't know what he thought our marriage was supposed to be like. My cousin asked me the other day if it would be easier if there was a reason. In the end, I'd still be divorced, but I think it would be easier to wrap my head around. I still have moments where I think of him, or remember something he once said to me, and I think "you're divorcing me now - really?!?, it's me, remember me??" I don't get it.
My counselor also said he thinks it's so unusual that Andrew hasn't checked in on me at all. He said even in the most bitter of divorces, they usually check in to make sure the other person is ok. I don't know. That part doesn't surprize me. Andrew was always a don't look back kinda guy. Plus it really hurts me when he tells me how happy and great he is doing without me.
Oh well. I continue to pray. For us, for me, for him. I have seen God's faithfulness and I feel Him moving in my life and healing my heart. I can't believe it's July already. He is bringing me through day by day. Thank you God, I can't do this without you!
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." Psalm 46:1-3