Today's my birthday.
Even when I was married sometimes I would think about how life is so different from what you imagined as a kid. I especially think about that now. I never thought at 31 I would be childless and going back to school, I certainly never thought I'd be divorced. I guess what I've been working on these past several months is facing the facts.
Last year on my birthday Andrew gave me a 5 year journal where you write a few lines a day and can look back and see how life has changed. Since this divorce stuff I thought I want a new one, I didn't want to look back every day for the remaining 4 years and live through this divorce all over everyday. But in other ways, I can already see how God has been providing for me and restoring. Now I think it might be really good to look back and see how God was there the whole time. And to have written proof of how he has moved and changed me, and hopefully I will see some of those famous prosperous plans He's always talking about! :)
My counselor told me that come new year eve's I would see that day as a completely new year, because it would have been a full year since Andrew announced he wanted a divorce. I think that will probably be true- but I'm also starting to feel hopeful now. And even though 31 sounds old and scary to be starting over, I see this birthday as a fresh new year.
Last night was the last small group for the summer. We had a BBQ and sat on the porch. It was fun. And the ladies in the group gave me something so precious:
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31