This week has been a tough one.
I've been packing up our life and getting ready to leave the place where we lived as husband and wife. Our divorce has been final almost a month now, but moving out makes it seem 'extra final'. Every box is filled with memories and it's just plain hard. I can't help but remember that in December we were talking about saving for a house, and now I'm moving out and on alone.
This morning I heard this song I feel like these words perfectly describe me right now:
Why?, The question that is never far away, The healing doesn’t come from the explained, Jesus please don’t let this go in vain, You’re all I have,
All that remains
So here I am, What’s left of me, Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive, Even though a part of me has died, You take my heart and breathe it back to life, I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide, When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe, Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do, Pain so deep that I can hardly move, Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You, Lord take hold and pull me through
It’s the moment when humanity, Is overcome by majesty, When grace is ushered in for good, And all our scars are understood, When mercy takes its rightful place, And all these questions fade away, When out of the weakness we must bow, And hear You say “It’s over now”
Jesus come and break my fear, Awake my heart and take my tears, Find Your glory even here.
God promises that He can make all things work for good - so I'm counting on that.
My divorce class has talked a lot about grief, and how recognizing and embracing it is so important for the healing process. They say:
You will hinder your healing if you try to suppress the emotions of grief. Your losses are legitimate and must be faced. Many people say that the loss associated with divorce is worse than the loss of a spouse through death:
"In death there is closure because the person has died," says Dr. Linda Mintle. "In divorce, your ex-spouse is still out there. In divorce, you are mourning the death of a relationship that is no longer available to you, even though the people involved are still here." Wayne says, "Divorce is worse than death because in divorce that person chose to leave you. In death so many times the person did not choose to leave, and you know that he or she died loving you; whereas in divorce it's not like that. Your ex-spouse is gone, and he or she wanted to leave."
You said it Wayne, that's exactly why it hurts so bad.
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8