Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Speaking of 2...

It's about time this new little one got a proper introduction!
I am 18 weeks today and expecting this little one in April 2019.
Doug and I had wanted another child, I was actually hoping to get pregnant around August's first birthday. However, I didn't even get my period back until he was almost 16 months. About 4 months into trying we had a 'chemical pregnancy' which is where you get a positive pregnancy test and go around for a few days excitedly thinking you're pregnant- only to get your period and be crushed. That was pretty sad. I had a bit of a clue something was wrong when the pregnancy strips weren't getting darker, but you still hope. A couple months later I was looking at this pregnancy app on my phone and thinking I could take a test in a day or so when I realized that my cycles were around 27-28 days and I was already on day 28 so I just took one, and the rest, as they say, is history!
Daddy came home and was greeted by August in this cute little announcement shirt. (ok I totally did not realize when Toys 'R Us went out of business it was taking Babies 'R Us with it!! Noooo! Babies 'R Us was the best, and now all I'm left with is super rip off Buy Buy Baby, bummer)
I tried to keep it pretty quiet in the beginning in case little one wouldn't stick around. It wasn't so easy later because right at 6 weeks I started getting sick. In fact I was at book club and hadn't planned on telling my girlfriends quite yet, but had to because I was sitting there with a throw up bucket on my lap. They were all excited.
Yeah so this time around I felt pretty bad. I'd only had one day of nausea with August and I remember just sitting perfectly still on the couch. With this one I almost always had a before or after breakfast puke and often another 2-3 during the day. And it's not fun being sick when you have a busy little one. I remember August one day screaming "milk!!!" and banging his empty cup while 1 foot away I was puking into my bucket. Mom even came down a day and played with him while I laid on the couch all day intermittently puking. THANKFULLY that petered out right at 12 weeks. And also thankfully I never got sick at work, always at home! I don't know why that was. Maybe too busy? I often did get a 7-Up though from the fridge and started drinking that as soon as I was feeling off, so that maybe helped too. But I do feel like poor August had a lame summer as his mother was mostly laying on the couch all of it :(
Like last time we had the genetic study done since I am older and wanted to be prepared if baby was going to have any special needs. I handled it really hard this time. I was just a bundle of nerves. I was sitting on the couch one day and the phone rang with the results. Her voice sounded like someone with bad news. But she told me the baby was fine. I mentioned the bad news voice to her and she just said she was tired (keep it together lady - people are depending on you for their news!!!). As soon as I hung up I just burst into sobbing tears. I called Doug. And I was telling him the baby was fine, but since I was crying so much he thought I was saying something was wrong with it's spine. Eventually he had me spell out f-i-n-e and then was wondering why I was crying. And I just felt such guilt. I had been hoping and praying and worrying that the baby would be ok, and I think that was coming from a place of not wanting a child who wouldn't be 'normal' and I just felt such horrible guilt. And the grace of a good and perfect gift from God when I don't deserve anything good, and also the knowledge that there is nothing wrong with what God makes. Every baby is fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. So it was just a very overwhelming feeling. We talked for a little while, and I cried, and journaled and prayed for awhile, but this has been a hard thing for me.
One perk of the genetic test is getting to know the gender early. So we had the lady leave the gender on a voicemail and then went to Meijer and picked out two outfits. Then we had the cashier listen to the voicemail and ring up the corresponding outfit while we turned around. Then we went out to dinner and opened it together.
and ta-da!!
Honestly I wasn't too surprised since I'd been feeling so different, but it was still a fun surprise.
So yeah, the story of the second child is indeed true, time is just passing by. But I do look at my little pregnancy app and I see that today she is the size of a sweet potato, and I like reading about her development :) I've bought a couple girl things and her baby book.
I'm feeling mostly better, a little short of breath already at times. I'm fighting the maternity pants, last time I didn't need them till 20 weeks, but at the end of the day I either have my button undone or I'm in sweats anyway, so might as well embrace the stretchy panel!! With all the puking I lost 8 pounds in the first trimester, and almost back to my starting weight now. But you can definitely see a bump from the side, and the end of the day bump is like twice the size of the beginning of the day bump for some reason!
We don't agree on girls names, but still have 4 months to go. And we are planning on having the kids share a room (after she's been in our room for several months during the worst of the night wake ups/nursing months) (NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE). So that will be nice to keep a room free for our use, but is also a source of stress thinking about the kids sharing a closet/dresser/hoping they don't wake each other up. August is sleeping through the night so awesome and I'm scared to ruin it.
So yeah, besides not looking forward to losing sleep, and being super scared of taking two kids out in public, and of course the general terror of the transition from 1 to 2, I am excited. I can't imagine loving this one as much as I love August. And this is from a person that always wanted a girl! I just love my boy so much and I've had 2 years of loving him already! But everyone says you love them all, so we'll see. I'm sure I'll be surprised.
I feel very blessed indeed.

1 comment:

  1. I had so many fears before Daniel was born about not living him as much as Ben. But surprise surprise everyone and their brother was right--my heart is so full when i look at Daniel i think, how silly i was! I love him so much it hurts, just the same as Ben. Excited for you to feel that too!