future MRS thoughts

3 full days until the wedding day.

I feel like I've been so busy these last weeks with finishing school, finishing work, and now packing and moving, and always with the wedding planning, that I haven't had that much time to blog, or journal, or even self-reflect.

I'm sitting in my room surrounded by half packed boxes and feeling overwhelmed and thought, what a perfect time to stop for a blog break :). Haha. Moving in to Jill's condo I had mixed feelings. Mostly I felt so depressed being newly divorced, and just feeling like I had 2 years of my nose to the grindstone for nursing school. (although part of me was looking forward to living with my friend!) And moving out I feel so different. The only thing I won't miss is Jill's toaster, aka "toastdor the burninator", haha. But I have actually loved this season of being here. It has been healing, and strengthened me, and such a beautiful time of friendship and growth. I will miss it.

I am very excited to marry Doug.

2 years ago I never would have even believed I might be getting married again. I never dreamed that God could out-do what I thought to be the best at that time. But this feels, and IS, so different. I just feel a greater commitment, and a deeper intimacy that comes when you choose someone who loves God first as you do.

I also feel a little afraid. I know that we are 2 imperfect people coming together, and that we will hurt each other. I know that I will fail in how I respond to Doug at times. But I am looking forward to the joys ahead, the adventures, and the trials. I feel that we will be able to face them together and that God will lead us through. I pray that I will be a wife who respects her husband, and honors him, and seeks to put his needs first. That will be difficult as I have had to become self-sufficient over the last couple years, and I was proud that I was able to do that. And not anything weird like I'm not a whole person without a husband, but that I need to think first of him, and 'us' and not me first. God will have to help me.

I'm so thankful for this journey. Wow, God is so good. Thank you everyone who has prayed for me and been on this journey with me!