Monday, August 26, 2013

Jill's birthday celebration

Saturday night we celebrated Jill's birthday. Friends came over around 8pm, and we had snacks and a few drinks and a round of Catchphrase. It was fun.
I had made this fruit crisp for her bday dessert:
I used peaches, plums and blueberries
It was wonderful (and even made a delicious breakfast to go the next morning!)
My friend Kim who will soon be moving back to Michigan!! woo!!
Jill wanted everyone to get dressed up and go out dancing, so off we went. We went to a dance place Jill and I scoped out last weekend, and had another good time :)
This is the after picture, we look considerably more tired (well I do anyway!) Happy birthday Jill!! I wish you a very happy year!
In other news, I am back out of the dating world, wah-waaah, well, at least with that guy. We went out with his friends Friday night which I thought was pretty fun and I thought I made a good effort to get to know his friends and find out more about them. Anyway, Sunday he calls and asks me some questions and ended up saying he thought our personalities were too different. So yeah, I wasn't sure how I was feeling anyway, so I think it will be a good thing. But it kinda stinks to feel 'rejected' again and even worse were the questions he asked me. I even hate typing it because it feels so embarrassing. He asked me if I was "depressed and cynical now because of my divorce, or am I always that way?" Ouch! There was a long pause of shocked silence when he asked me that, because I wouldn't have used either of those words to describe me! After we hung up though, I thought about it a lot. I really want to be open to ways that I need to change and grow, and continue to have God heal me. So I was thankful in a way for him to point that out. I asked other people who I believe actually do know me and whose opinions I value to see if there was any truth to what he said. One friend said that I probably was depressed last year as I went through the divorce, and I would totally agree with that. And she said that she would describe me as cynical regarding humor, but also cautious and not just accepting things at face value, but investigating. I would also agree with that.
I had looked up the definition of cynical and among the uses were "showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by ones actions, especially by actions that exploit the scruples of others." Double ouch! I'm not sure if that's what he meant, but if so, I really do need to keep asking God to heal me. I know I can get up on my high-horse sometimes, but it hurts me to think I come across as contemptuous.
The fact of the matter is the divorce did hurt me and did leave "negative effects". I know that God has brought me through, and has made me stronger and more thankful for all He's done for me. But I can't pretend it wasn't just heartbreakingly tragic to be left; and now I want to be more cautious first so I can move confidently into the future. I might just be 'too much' for certain people, and I guess that person isn't for me.
Anyway. Food for thought. So yeah. It's funny because I was just thinking about things I value in dating, and loving those what matters articles, and just starting to get a bit more comfortable. And I know I have room to grow. But geez, I want someone who actually enjoys my personality! (while giving me grace in my areas of weakness :))


  1. I'm glad you guys had fun celebrating Jill! I wished I could have been there!!

    Ouch, that is harsh! You def deserve someone who enjoys your sweet, fun personality and gives grace!

  2. AM,

    If you think about it, it's a blessing in disguise because it means things ended with someone who wouldn't have been a good fit for you or who didn't understand you fully. I however don't think you are cynical, so that I say, F'em!

    I do think you are still struggling with things after the divorce, and that is okay. Maybe you are a little depressed too, I don't know, I would be! Like we talked about, there is a fine balance between not sharing your past, and ways it shaped you, with someone, versus sharing too much and placing the burden of healing on someone who really shouldn't be doing that for you. I am not sure where you lie on that spectrum, only you will know. But I would say that Stan, friends, and family, should really be the one to explore this with, and people you date need to maybe *know* some of your history, but are not the person who should help you through it. I've heard many stories of people getting together because that person helped them through a bad time, and after that bad time is over, they realize that was the only connection they had and were blinded by that. So... some things to think about.

    I know it's hard, but I see this as great news. Someone you were on the fence about in the first place, plus wasn't ready to handle your past. And that's okay, he should move on and it's good he called it as he saw it. There are a lot more people out there, and you never buy the first car you look at. ;)

    1. thanks Joel. Yeah, my divorce class too warned about over-sharing, because then you think this person knows you so great and you're overly emotionally tied to them. And I definitely don't want to look to another person for healing- danger!! So I did try to keep the sharing to a minimum. But good advice to continue to be careful about that in the future. I am thankful to have such great friends and family to bounce stuff off of :)