baby thoughts

Today I go into clinical in the afternoon, and I stayed up late last night studying ALL DAY and updating my passwords with keepass so I don't get hacked (thx Joel!)- so this morning I lazed in bed a bit and read some blogs. I started to read my favorite food blog girl's blog, and see a pregnancy announcement. I was excited for her, I've been reading her blog for about 3 years now, and even though she blogs mostly about her delicious recipes and not so much about her life, I guess you still kinda imagine bloggers as your friends and you get curious about their lives. So I was excited to see that.

At the same time it just made me think about my life. I've wanted to be a wife and mom as long as I can remember. And while I have grown A TON in this aread and realize that's not my "purpose" in life, it's still something I hope for. I always dreamed I'd graduate from college, get married, have several years going on trips with my husband and establishing our marriage, and then have 3 kids. .... Instead my life has been very different from those young dreams. It's taken me forever to decide on a career, I'll now graduate at 33 and will still go right back for my RN -> BSN, I never ever planned on a divorce, and who knows if I will be even able to have children.

Before I start sounding too depressing, I do want to say I am thankful for the lessons God has taught me through this life. This life that isn't how I imagined, but it's surprising, and blessed, and beautiful to see how God has brought me through pain and sorrow and continues to lead me and show me how much He loves me.

(Read these verses while listening to this awesome song they played yesterday at my church baptism Sunday, (and praise God for 11 people who decided to give their lives to Jesus!!!))

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Psalm 116:1-2

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:6-7

I was also thinking about the Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 about how God has good plans for us, (which I know is true), but it one of the most often mis-used verses. That verse was specifically for His people Israel after the Babylonians sacked the city, and God promised restoration to those people - BUT on His timetable, not theirs, and probably not in the way they were hoping for. This is a beautiful verse of God loving and taking care of His people, but I need to be careful not to read it as God the vending machine doling out gifts. Please read this article which is much more eloquent and clear than I will ever be. And I will also quote a paragraph here:

With that in mind, it's noteworthy that God speaks in Jeremiah 29:13–14 and says, “You will find me, if you seek me with all your heart … and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you.” The blessing (the restoration) is directly tied to being in right relationship with God. And being in right relationship flows from seeking “with all your heart.”

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Psalm 27:8