August's dedication

We'd pretty much been wanting to dedicate August since he's been born, but were in the throes of church hunting. We have been going to our current church pretty much since he's been 2 months old. I wouldn't say it's perfect, but we like the sermons, worship, we just wish there were more opportunities for connection. Anyway, we decided that we should just go for it. We believe in infant dedication, which is a public declaration that we trust our child to the Lord and are committing to raise him to know the Lord and asking for friends/family/church support and accountability. Our biggest prayer for August is that one day he makes his own decision to accept Jesus as his own Lord and Savior and will choose to be baptized to publicly recognize that commitment.

We chose this verse for him:

But you must honor the Lord. You must always serve him with all your heart. Remember the wonderful things he did for you! 1 Samuel 12:24 International Children’s Bible (ICB)

Our families and friends came to be there with us.

Afterwards everyone came over for my Mexican fiesta meal, and mom's delicious oatmeal cake she made for the occasion. Everything was very tasty and it was nice to have our friends company and support :)

thoughts

My grandma died yesterday.

This was my grandma I lived with for nearly ten years as I slowly earned my first Bachelor's degree. I have so many good memories of her when we were children, pulling us to the park in the wagon, reading book after book to me on her lap, singing 'swing on a star' to me when we'd sleep over. I feel bad reflecting on the years I lived with her. I know one of my cousins had lived with them for a semester and I think they really 'lived life together' with dinner together and deep conversations. I'm ashamed to say I used their home more like a hotel coming and going. I would talk to them, and we did have dinner together from time to time, and there was 'life lived together'; in some ways how could there not have been, it was nearly 10 years on and off. But I don't think I was really present. I was very invested in my friendships in that season of my life, but I didn't seem to save much of it for my family. I feel badly about that now.

I was talking to Doug shortly before 2018, reflecting on 2017 and wondering what 2018 would bring. We are hopeful it will bring us another baby, but I also voiced a feeling that something bad would happen. And sure enough, days later, she passed. I don't know why, but somewhere along the line I've developed a superstitiousness that I don't really like. My grandma was 96 years old. Me saying that is not what made that happen, a person doesn't live forever. But I seem to think about that a lot, and probability. I remember being in a group with 2 other friends and thinking about that statistic that 1 in 3 marriages would fail, and I thought to myself "poor Emily, she's going to get divorced someday." What a crazy thought, who thinks like that?! And crazy enough, both I and the other friend ended up divorced. And I think about percentages like 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and since my book club friends haven't had one, that must mean I will. Crazy, crazy thoughts. And really, underlying fear.

Ever since I read a book by Joni Eareckson Tada where she prayed for God to increase her trust, and shortly afterwards she had a diving accident which left her paralyzed I have been terrified to fully pray that prayer myself.

And it makes me wonder, am I short selling my own life because I am not willing to let Him take me where He has for me?

I don't know. By His grace I was able to trust and follow Him as He led me through an unwanted divorce, and He was 100% faithful, and has blessed me beyond measure. He has proved to me that I can trust Him and He provides. But still, I find myself not wanting bad things to happen and trying to avoid hurt.

Today I was on campus as I am in my last semester of my BSN and I had to meet with the professor about an internship and I took August with me, as I'm walking out of the building a guy held the door open for me. I realized I recognized this guy, it was a guy I had a crush on at this college almost 18 years ago. We chatted for a little while, he was also divorced and happily remarried as well, and it just felt so reaffirming that God is good and He can take pain and hurt and bring healing and joy.

Long story short, He is trustworthy and I should trust God with everything!

My grandparents celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary last summer, with their 8 children nearby. They have a total of 39 grandchildren, and 40 great-grandchildren, a number that keeps climbing. We are blessed because this couple chose to raise their children to know the Lord, and my parents raised me as well. "But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children" Psalm 103:17.

My grandpa fell last week and broke his hip, and was at the rehab. So my biggest sorrow is that as she died he was not there. However, she was with my aunt and uncle who they have lived with for the past 5 years. They moved there after my grandma fell and broke her hip, and was unable to be in their house anymore due to stairs and the begin/middle of dementia. She has been mostly wheelchair bound since then, and the dementia had progressed, so there is a peace about death in that fact. I remember living with her and talking in the kitchen once as we were making food or something and she was talking about her sister-in-law who had dementia and how she never wanted to be like that. So I am comforted to think of her in her heavenly perfection restored to her full body and mind. And my aunt and uncle have taken such loving care of her and my grandpa these past five years. It has been wonderful to see them be so loved and taken care of. What a sacrifice by my aunt and uncle, yet done from their complete selfless love for them. A true blessing to witness.

Doug and I were planning a trip for the end of January to go visit them once we'd heard about the fall. Now we will be going sooner. I am thankful that I was able to see them a couple times last summer, and fall, and that I have a few pictures of August with them too.

I thank God for the life of this wonderful woman who loved her family so much and followed and trusted the Lord herself. What a blessing and privilege to live for 96 years. Thank you Lord.

Ordination

Last weekend went really well. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers! I felt some peace and it was a really good time with my family. It was good to see too that most of the 'judgment' I feel is just in me. I judge me for being divorced. And God is still working on me. To be more gracious to others with stuff that is going on in their lives, and still working on me to not be so hard on myself. That's one thing too my counselor has been working on me with. He tells me that just because there is 'no reason', I can't just make that reason be 'me'.

Friday night we stayed with an aunt and uncle that I really love. I love their walk with God, I love their family, I love their hearts. They were sharing how they recently became involved with marriage reconciliation, hosting couples and counselors as the troubled couples do a week long intensive counseling session. These are couples in ministry and we know the devil attacks them extra hard. When they told me about that I cried because my heart too is for reconciliation, and I so want that for Andrew and I. But as I've learned- it takes two to be married, but only one to get divorced.

On Saturday my cousin Peter became ordained as a priest.

His oldest brother is also a priest and it was beautiful to see them together. Two brothers dedicating their lives to God's work.

The laying on of hands

Father Matthew kissing Father Peter's hand, such a humble image

All the priests lined up to hug Peter and welcome him into their brotherhood

I remember Peter once telling me his ministry was to reach people who have been raised in the Catholic faith but have left for some reason or other. It seems I have met so many people in that category, and I love his heart to reach people and bring them back to a God who loves them.

A blessing for a priest: "Loving God be close to your servant Father Peter, as he follows your Son. Guide him in paths that are level and smooth. May your powerful grace make him strong in faith, joyful in hope, and fervent in love, this day and every day to come. We ask this through Jesus Christ, our Lord."